Expectations

I see that I am writing more posts each month. From the inception of this blog, I have incrementally added one post each month. I know, it's not really a big deal, but it's the kind of stuff that I notice (why I don't know, probably the same reason I memorize and retain useless knowledge but struggle to memorize Greek).

This morning I was inspired by a devotion that I get emailed to me. It's nice to sit down to the computer and have this time to stop, focus on God, and then attack the day. It doesn't always work that smoothly, but usually on Monday the first thing I do when I wake-up is check my email (secretly hoping for an email from my Greek professor that class is canceled for some reason). Here's a link to the devotion I read, "In Its Own Time"

What really struck me about this devotion was the perspective for all situations to not "be hung up on where it might go". It really caused me to think about a lot of things that I approach in life. I have clear expectations (even if I won't admit them) about pretty much everything I get myself into. I expect when I go to Hardee's (I guess it's Carl's Jr. here in California) that I will be able to get my "heart-attack-on-a-bun" (aka the Monster Burger). I expect when I go to a rock concert that it's going to be loud. You get the idea.

I think the idea is not so much that we shouldn't have expectations, but that we shouldn't be so stuck on them that we cry like a baby when things don't go our own way. I have experienced the negative side of this a lot when I visit churches. It seems like we all have expectations for what we expect to get from the church. We expect that the church will meet our needs. We expect that God will do things in our time. But we are reminded in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for everything; and the underlying message is that it may not always be our time.

I needed that message today, as I sleepily got ready to go to my Greek class; as I knew I would be getting a quiz, but wasn't sure exactly the quiz would be like; as I conversed with friends before and after class.

If I'm not hung up on where things might go, or another way it was put in the devotional I read, if I'm not "attached the outcome" I will approach the outcome more positively. Maybe it won't be what I expected, but it will be what God had planned.

Catching Up...

Sadly my Predators didn't make it past round one of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, I feel somewhat to blame as I didn't have a chance to watch most of the games. My work this last week on the Kids Take The Stage production of Guys & Dolls prevented me from being able to tune in even though my Predators were playing the local favorite (alright, local only) NHL team, the San Jose Sharks. This means that I begin cheering against teams (as I type I am watching the Vancouver Canucks play the Dallas Stars ... I must cheer against the Stars).

I can still cheer for the New York Rangers since that is my in-law's team. When there is a face-off between the Predators and the Rangers I do pick the Pred's, but otherwise I can cheer for the Rangers.

It seems weird to be watching hockey in April (nearly May) but it will seem stranger when the finals roll around since those are in June (I think). But it doesn't seem as weird since the weather here in Berkeley is about the same year-round, so it's not like we've left winter behind and are still watching a winter sport in Spring ... or at least it doesn't feel like it.

I can't report that much else has been going through my head lately. Oh, there are the occasional thoughts, but nothing of note. I guess that's what happens when free time goes away.

Well, it's sunny and the hockey game is on ... I best get to my homework.

Busy Times

I always love having an image to focus my blog entries around, but alas I've just been too busy lately to find the right image, so I guess I'll have to try to paint the pictures with words (which sometimes works but usually I'm too lazy to craft just the right combination of what are they adverbs, adjectives?).

The week following Easter is always a bit crazy as I try to recover from the busyness of the Holy Week / Easter festivities. In this particular instance it was also a chance for my wife to have a week off, and thus we did some fun things like going for a hike at a local park (with amazing trails that view the bay and the city) and head to the Oakland Zoo.

Now Zoos are something I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with. I love being able to go see all of the animals, but I hate it when they are cooped up in tiny spaces with little "reality" around them. The Oakland Zoo does a pretty good job with habitats although some of them (like the Meerkats) seemed a bit small. The downside of course to these habitats is that there are often too many places for the animals to hide, so I may not see my favorites. On this particular trip the Sun Bear was being a bit shy, the tigers and lions a bit sleepy (what else is new) and a few of the animals (I don't remember which) were just MIA (maybe they got moved out of the zoo?) There was an amazing number of giraffes though, so it was fun to watch them play follow the leader.

I always like particular animals at the zoo, especially Polar Bears ... but not every zoo has such creatures. So, it is theoretically fun to live in a place like the Bay Area where there are multiple zoos. Although, our visit to the San Francisco zoo was less desirable. While they are working on building habitats for the animals that are more "realistic" there are plenty of animals (lions for example) that still live in small cages where all they can do is pace back and forth on cement. One of these days we'll get down to the San Diego Zoo and experience one of the greatest zoos in America.

O.K. ... so the weekend was pretty busy. I started a limited term job with a company called Kids Take the Stage which is a children's theater company here in the East Bay. They are putting on productions of Guys & Dolls and I was hired as the Lead Deck Crew ... which means I spent much of Friday lifting lights, moving set pieces, and basically doing whatever the Stage Manager needed done but couldn't accomplish by himself. It's a really interesting company since most of the people that they hire are aspiring theater people and here I am, just a guy with a bit of high school theater experience and a love for the theater. My job has continued this week as we are in dress rehearsals and boy has it been fun. I get to wear a headset and listen in on all of the cues called for the show, move sets on the stage, and watch some decent actors play out their dreams.

Now, Sunday was certainly a highlight of the week for me as I had the chance to sit in with one of my favorite musicians, Jonathan Rundman, for a concert here in Berkeley. It's always a treat to hang-out with Jonathan and hear his music performed live. For a guy who plays with just a guitar he can really rock out, and the stories that he tells about his songs are always a treat as well. I especially like how he played to the Berkeley crowd by introducing two of his songs, "Dumb It Down" and "Closed Out...," as "protest songs".

As Jonathan notes on his blog one of the best parts of the night is the "after party" where we ended up at this little bistro on Solano Avenue. We actually intended to hit a pizza place over there, but apparently they close by 9:30 on Sunday nights, it was quite an adventure to find any place that was still open (surprisingly Berkeley is not a late-night town) but we fell into this place that was willing to stay open for us and it was well worth it. That little place had suddenly made the list of "places we have to take guests" I just hope we can find it again!

Alright, with a few papers to write this week, several hours of work at the theater, and yes, some classes to attend, I best not regale you with too many dull details of life, but I did want to include the aforementioned updates to keep you, my loyal reader, updated on life in Berkeley.

CHRIST IS RISEN!

CHRIST IS RISEN INDEED!

This kid gets it. The joy, the jubilation that is Easter. The good news that Christ is risen! (I know, you're thinking that he's more excited about the joy that comes with finding an Easter egg, but I think you're wrong).

I have to admit, I didn't have the jubilation of this young man when I got out of bed at six o'clock this morning. I was pretty sure that my attitude was justified because Jesus rose with the sun, right? (I'm working on historical-theological evidence for that statement) Well, the sun wasn't up, so I had time to put on my celebration face.

There's some part of pastors, church musicians, youth directors, church workers, church volunteers, and pastors-to-be that allow us to work extra hours during Holy Week and Easter on details that put a smile on other's faces, but drive us to want to sleep for the next week to recover. Today was no exception.

This morning's worship was jubilant, the kids were in rare form (I watched one boy eat chocolate eggs, jelly beans, peeps, and whatever else he could find in his basket during the entire worship service ... I'd hate to be his parent, but then I watched his mother permit all of his consumption, so I guess she brought it on herself). Some of the little girls in their Easter dresses (though I didn't see any of the famous Easter bonnets). Some of the boys in suits that I'm pretty sure their parents bought for Easter with high hopes the child won't grow for at least another year or two so they get more use out of the suit.

All of this to celebrate the resurrection joy.

I have to admit, I find some solace in the somberness of Holy Week. It's a reflective time when I think a lot and it's fine to be there for a time. But, I live in the hope of the Risen Christ. In the joy that comes with knowing that when a group of women went to a tomb to find Jesus, there were only angels there saying, "Why do you look for the living among the dead?"

The dead. I got news this morning that one of the men that I delivered communion to a little while back passed away yesterday morning. I recall one of the great saints of a church I used to be a member of who passed away on Easter Sunday. I recall in both of these men a quiet smile, a quiet sense of the resurrection, a hope in what is to come, and Easter hope. I can see these two men and all the saints who have passed before us emphatically responding with us, "CHRIST IS RISEN INDEED!"

I have great memories of Easters gone by ... times when we would visit my grandparents and eat hard-boiled eggs in the fellowship hall after worship ... times when my grandma would find such joy in hiding eggs for all of us grand-kids to find (and the one time she hid an egg in the pocket of a jacket in her closet that none of us kids found, but she found a few weeks later) ... times when I would sneak an extra jelly bean (never the black or red ones though), milk chocolate egg, or other treat when "mom and dad weren't looking" (no, they couldn't hear the wrapper being unwrapped) ... times when we would sit down as a family to carve into the Easter ham with all the trimmings. All of these memories around the celebration that ...

CHRIST IS RISEN!

CHRIST IS RISEN INDEED!

Good Friday

Visually I am often offended on Good Friday. I often find the artwork that is used by churches to be too tame, too mundane, and too polished. I find no meaning in artwork that masquerades as meaningful when it pictures a suffering Christ with little blood, with mild anguish on his face, with a sense of being tired not crushed by the blows of the whip, the weight of the cross, or the pain of denial of friends.

I have to admit, I really appreciated Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ for that reason. Yes, it was graphic, gruesomegory and any other description you want to give it, but for me, it was real. It was the truth of what Jesus experienced. And I want to see that to remind me of what Jesus experienced on my behalf.

For me, Good Friday holds an important place in the story of Christ. It's not necessarily because of the obvious fact that Christ died on Good Friday, there's more to it than that. For me it is the moment, the darkest moment when things can really get no worse. The moment when nothing imagined could be colder, darker, more painful, or more lonely.

It's Friday, but Sunday's coming.

I recall a time when I was maybe 8 years old (I don't know exactly) and I attended the Good Friday service at my church. I don't recall the words that the pastor used, but I remember them having a profound affect on me. I remember crying my eyes out (and my mom asking what was wrong - and I don't know if I ever told her) and I remember through those tears thinking, "Jesus did this for me."

What a profound insight (yes, I'm proud of myself).

In that moment on Good Friday, as a young boy, I sat in the church knowing that the suffering of Christ was not for a faceless humanity, but that Christ died for me.

It was Friday, but Sunday's coming.

There is a hope in the moment. Yes, the hope is in the resurrection, in Easter, and this is the lens that we read the Good Friday story through today. But I also believe that Jesus held a hope on Good Friday. A trust, a love for humanity that said, "this suffering will not be in vain."

It's Friday, but Sunday's coming.

It is that hope that I celebrate and reflect on during this season.

I recall sitting in an arena in Dallas in 1991 hearing Tony Campolo share the very words, "It's Friday, but Sunday's coming." Campolo even wrote a book that shares this very story, a book that I treasure to this day, in that book he retells this story of an epic sermon he heard preached. The Sermon was framed around the lines ‘it’s Friday but Sunday’s coming!’

It was Friday;
it was Friday and my Jesus was dead on the cross.

But that was Friday and Sunday’s comin’!

It was Friday and Mary was cryin’ her eyes out.
The disciples were runnin’ in every direction,
like sheep without a Shepherd,
but that was Friday. Sunday’s comin’!

And so he said the Sermon continued, building in volume and power all the time.

It was Friday.
The cynics were lookin’ at the world and saying;
you can’t change anything.
But those cynics didn’t know it was Friday.
Sunday’s comin’!”

Tony recorded that the sermon reached such an excitement that when the preacher delivered the final, “It’s Friday!” the whole congregation roared back, “BUT SUNDAY’S COMIN’!”

It is my prayer that it is that meaning that fills us all this Good Friday.

Never enough to stay where I need to be ...

This morning I was working on an assignment for my Ethics class, the assignment was to reflect on the "false identities" that keep us from being a disciple. As I began thinking and reflecting, I couldn't help but to focus on the unreal dreams that I had when I was younger, the dream of being an Olympic Hockey star (and of course scoring the winning goal), of being a famous television broadcaster, of being someone great and famous was always the goal, it was never enough to be good and unseen at what I did.

I have to admit in some ways that idea of wanting to be bigger and better continues to plague me. I want to be the one that everyone knows, I want to be the person standing in front of the crowd, I want to be the star.

All of this reflecting, reminded me of a song that was written by Duey Jolivette years ago. Duey was a quirky songwriter, often writing some pretty sappy stuff followed by some pretty ridiculous stuff, but always the kinds of songs that teens of my generation seemed to swallow up at Youth gatherings. The song in particular that rings with me today is called "My Part of the Story" so I leave you with the lyrics to ponder:

So many times I've thought I'd like to change the world

So many times I've wanted to play the lead

Caught in between who I am and wish to be

Trying to find where I'm content to be

So many times it seems my grass is not as green

So much time spent wasted wishing on a dream

But I look around and see there is a place for me

A part in the story that's written just for me

My part of the story may be small

And my part of the story may not have the curtain call

But when the story's done I know there is One

Who loves me as I am

So many times I've wanted a part that's not for me

Never enough to stay where I need to be

And when the story ends maybe few will know my name

But You don't need the fame to love me as I am

My part of the story may be small
And my part of the story may not have the curtain call
But when the story's done I know there is One
Who loves me as I am

Are things what they seem?

I'm still recovering from the idea that it is April. Where did the month of March go? Where did February go for that matter? (I know where January went, it got buried in a pile of snow in Denver!) But seriously, does it really matter what month it is? Today feels about like yesterday, which feels about like the whole last week, so March feels like April and life goes on.

I was reflecting this morning on some recent conversations I have had. Specifically a conversation about Palm Sunday and the fact that this year it happened to fall on April 1, or as parts of the world would know it, April Fool's Day. The point of the conversation was this: "In Jesus' ministry," as my professor stated, "things are not quite as they seem." What a fertile ground for a great sermon (too bad I wasn't preaching).

The idea of this particular conversation was reflected in my devotions this morning when I read about one of the instances when Jesus was confronted by the Pharisees then told them a parable and they were quiet because they knew he was talking about them. They also knew in this moment that their preconceptions of who the Messiah would be might be a bit incorrect, they might have to accept the fact that Jesus is indeed the Messiah!

When my professor made the statement, I was on board. In the example of Palm Sunday, the people are expecting a great military ruler to ride in on a mighty horse and lead them to freedom, but instead (surprise, not quite what you expected) enters a humble Jesus on a donkey's colt (I guess in today's world that would be like expecting the President in his limo convoy but instead getting some dude driving a Ford Focus). What got me though was one student in class that just couldn't accept an analogy of Jesus and April Fool's Day. For this woman, April Fool's Day is associated with one thought and one thought only and that is "deceit" and she was completely unwilling to move on her idea of the day to make room for an analogy to Jesus. (I agree that Jesus was NOT about deceit, but I think the analogy is still a wonderful one).

For me, the beauty of the analogy is that April Fool's Day is a day when things are not as they appear. Yes, there are practical jokes. Yes, the point is often to make people look foolish. (I recall one of my favorite April Fool's Jokes when traveling with New Vision and we were led to a cemetery, long story, but a great memory). Jesus' ministry was NOT about practical jokes and making people look foolish. However ...

Jesus was not what the people expected, and Jesus is still not what we expect.

In this day, we expect a Jesus that caters to our needs, answers our self-serving prayers, and ordains the many actions that we do "in the name of Christ." but that is not Jesus at all. Jesus is an example of how we are supposed to live ... challenging authority when it doesn't make sense (or goes against a shared belief, ethic, or law), putting others before us, teaching with the use of language people understand. Jesus is a humble servant. Jesus is the forgiveness of our sins.

I dig the prayer that was included in my devotion this morning, please pray it with me now:

Lord, I have some doubts. I have some questions. I have my own expectations and you don't always fit into my views. But I'm willing to reconsider this. I don't want to miss you. I shouldn't try to dictate what you should do and how you should do it. Please help me understand that IT'S NOT ABOUT ME. If I'm blind to you, open my eyes. Thanks for thinking about me. Amen.