In the Face of Tragedy, There Are No Easy Answers

Once again the headlines of the national news have been overtaken by events that defy explanation. When I first saw the story break on our local news Saturday night, I knew we were in for the long haul and that the national media would be covering several angles of the story of two 12-year-old girls who stabbed their 12-year-old "friend."

Serving as a pastor in a congregation not far from where the crime was committed and knowing that families from our church have children in the same school as the victim and the alleged attackers, I have been keeping an eye on the story. Well, let's be honest, because I occasionally turn on the news and look at a newspaper I have little choice in whether I hear updates on the story, because it has gripped our community. And it should.

As I listen to the stories and see how various media outlets share the details of this tragic event, I find myself with a certain angst. As one who holds a Bachelor's Degree in Mass Communication and worked in the Media industry for years, I understand that the media have a responsibility to tell the story. I understand the media have a duty to grab our attention. I understand that the media want you to turn to them versus their competitor as your "source." But I have to admit I'm sickened by some of the images that were chosen - like this one that was used to draw attention to the story on a local TV Station Facebook page. I have asked for years why the Media must sensationalize stories that have so many layers to them and are easily misunderstood. Why must the media serve to raise the fear when our own natural instincts provide enough?

Then I watch and listen to the public response to an incident like this stabbing and I listen to scared parents and community members who are trying to find answers to their questions. And, yes, it is only natural that we want to have our questions answered, but I don't think there are simple, easy, or sufficient answers when we are faced with a story of a 12-year-old girl being stabbed by her 12-year-old friends.

It's easy to blame the media (internet, movies, magazines, books). It's easy to blame parents. It's easy to blame society. It's easy to blame mental illness (which in this case to the best of my knowledge has not been evidenced in either of the suspects). It's easy to blame access to the weapon. The list goes on and we try to find an answer to why an event like this would take place.

I think the reality is that there are no easy answers. It could be a combination of the factors above or it could be none of them. Honestly we will never know and we will be left with more questions than answers.

I listened yesterday as a local radio talk show host raised the question of culpability of the father of one of the suspects who apparently was aware of his daughter's interest in the website that is supposed to have fueled the idea for the two girls to stab their friend. I listened as callers offered advice of "what the father should have done" or "what the father could have done" or "since the father knew he should be held to the same standard as the girls" and my thought was "how do we know the father didn't try to do these things that you listeners have suggested, have you asked him?"

I can't imagine being the parent of the suspects or the victim. I imagine there have been many sleepless nights and many questions - I doubt there have been many sufficient answers. I know that isn't very gratifying, but then what is gratifying about senseless violence? What is gratifying about innocence lost?

The truth is that we live in a broken world. We try our best as parents and community members to raise our children well, but sometimes our best isn't enough. Teachers try their best to influence their students to make good choices and learn from the horrors of the past, but sometimes the lessons go unlearned. Pastors and church members try to share the message of the good news of the Gospel in hopes that we provide an alternative to the lies of a broken world, but often our message is viewed as out-of-touch with reality. Does this mean that we stop trying? By no means.

We will always be left with tragedy in our midst. We will always be left with questions that have no answers. Our choice is whether we try to mask that pain with blame and conceit of easy answers or whether we are willing to cry with those who are hurt and seek to unpeel the many layers of the situation.

The Power of Prayer

With my wife being out of town the last couple days (right on the heels of me being out of town a couple of days) our kids are particularly on edge. The nearly-6-year-old has a tooth about ready to come out (her first) and she's nervous as can be about that. The nearly-four-year-old has been in a cycle of tantrums lately and had a great one this morning over putting her tights on - then when I asked if she needed help, she refused to say please so I explained I wouldn't help her until she did. An hour later she finally said please (as I was telling her I would put here in the car with no pants or dress on). If that is a parenting "victory" it was a hollow one as best.

Through the whole experience I remained surprisingly (to me) calm. I haven't been sleeping well as I've been battling just a touch of a cold. Generally I take things like this personally, but somehow I remained calm. Yes, I raised my voice at times, but I didn't lose control (at least I didn't think so, and my daughters didn't cry which is their usual response when I've lost control in the past).

As I drove them to school and lovingly sent them each off, I couldn't help but reflect on the calm that seemed to fill my heart despite the stressful morning. Near as I can figure, prayer must work and someone must be praying for me to be patient with my daughters and for me to take things in stride.

Car time is good time for me and God (I still love the imagery from the quickly-canceled TV Show "The Book of Daniel" where Daniel and Jesus ride in the car together and have great conversations). This morning I kept thinking about how God has blessed me in so many ways and how despite MY best efforts, it was God that worked through me this morning to get my girls (and me) out the door and where we all needed to be on time this morning (I have GREAT adoration for single parent families).

All of this leads to my scripture reflection this morning. Not so much what I got out of a reading assigned for the day, but a reading I needed to go to for comfort and peace in a turbulent time. Afterall, isn't that one of the uses of scripture?

Matthew 11:28-30 - “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Let's Review...

I don't want to seem cold-hearted or calloused, but I've had enough of the headlines about Philip Seymour Hoffman's death.  If these words ring familiar in your head, it's because five years ago I wrote something similar about Michael Jackson's death and for the same reason .... the misuse of the word "tragic."

Today I read a well-written article by Michael Rinehart inviting us to see God's message of grace in the face of our human nature to project judgment at a time like this death. But before I could get to the heart of Rinehart's excellent message I got stopped because he referenced Hoffman's death as "tragic", and I simply couldn't agree (in fact my wife and I have had several conversations about this in the last few days).

It's unfortunate that a single word would stop me in my tracks, but I think "tragic" has been misused in media coverage and in headlines. It's not that I don't find Hoffman's death disturbing, sad, painful, or surprising, it's just that I don't find it tragic.  And maybe it's not that his death isn't tragic as much as there are plenty of headlines and stories that should be labeled "tragic" that simply aren't.

And maybe that's the real issue, we've reserved the word "tragic" only for those that we don't have a personal relationship with, that we admire from afar, that have achieved as certain status in the world.  It's as though along with the millions of dollars, the entourages of people, the ability to live above the law (or at least below the grid) celebrities are the only ones who get to meet their end in a tragic way and I think that cheapens so many who experience tragedies in their lives.

As I type these words, I admit, I may be wrong. It may be that Hoffman's death is tragic. I may have a bigger problem with the fact that we don't see the many other tragedies that surround us each day and touch our lives in more meaningful ways.